Pet Peeve of the Day #1 - Questions

(I'm going to ignore that this is three days late, follow the crowd: you do it, too.)

Questions

Okay, I don't actually hate questions. In fact, I love questions. Questions are very open people, unlike their neighbors, statements. Statements just tell you, they never listen. I do, however, hate when people ask questions and they don't want the answer (a rhetorical question that doesn't come off as a rhetorical question).

"How are you doing?"

"Pretty bad, actually."

"Oh... um..."

See? Most of the time, most people don't want to know [i]how you are doing[/i]. They want you to tell them that they are doing well. Any other response is basically killing the conversation before it truly begins.

This annoys me a lot (hence it being a pet peeve). But as I am not one to give into other's flimsy, faulty, whims (or my own, flimsy, faulty, whims, for that matter.) I don't just tell people what they want to hear "Great, thanks! Yourself?". But I'm not a drama queen, so I don't want to walk around saying I feel terrible. I just stick to a very non-committal "fine." Even when I'm having a good day.

And that's also why I don't typically ask how other people are doing. I know that it's impolite, but if I don't ask you how you're doing, then I really, truly, don't care. (Or I figure, you're talking to me and sound normal, so you must be okay, at least.) So if I don't care about the answer, why waste the breath asking?

So I guess my pet peeve is neither questions nor rhetorical non-rhetorical questions. It's probably when people ask the wrong question.

"Will you tell me you're doing well?"

"Sure."

"How're you?"

"Well, you?"

And all the parenthesis you see in this (or other) posts basically display my internal monologues for all to see. THAT is why I can't make a short blog post. Or a short anything post, really.

Snicker, Snicker, Snort, Snort (Uh, huh.) Part Ichi

Once I get posting I can't stop, huh?

I found this snazzy random question feature while editing my profile.

Your bow is not broken but you've run out of arrows. How can you fake being a bard?

First, I need to know what a bard is. Okay, so I've figured out what a bard is, but I have no idea what it has to do with arrows. Maybe I'll grab a stick write BARD in the mud and draw arrows pointing to me? I don't even know

Well, maybe they don't need them, but don't you think that some fish might like a bicycle?

I know I like my bicycle. I don't know how similar my interests are to that of a fish, but bicycles are pretty hard to not like.

You've just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?

Plastics or money, most likely.

When you spilled the milk, did it look like the moon?

If it did, I would spill milk more often, because the moon is nice looking.

If you drive on a parkway why don't they make the whole plane out of that?

Because you're not trying to drive on the plane. You're trying to fly it.

What was the stage name of your favorite actress before she was born?

I don't have a favorite actress.

Chicken monkey shoes?

Yes, please.

Compose the lyrics to a new national anthem that features an animal sound at least once:

Quick, what sounds do moose make?

Aren't papier mache cuts the worst?

I'll believe you if you say they are.