"If We Are Afraid of Failure, We Move Nowhere."

I never understood phrases like "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." And I still don't understand it. If you love and lose it, then you're sad. If you never love, then you're at least okay.

Just saying that so you don't relate that quote to some other examples I'm going to use.

In my last post, I said that children do not know their limits, so they are not afraid to push them. This is related to that, in a way. Children have no fear of falling, so they are not afraid to run.

If we lived in fear for our entire lives, then we'd never get anything done:

If we were always scared to get an answer wrong on a test, we'd leave it blank it it'd definitely be wrong.

My Nana has a mug that says "When I do it right, nobody notices. When I do it wrong, nobody forgets." The same applies for ourselves. We may remember every question we got wrong on a test, but we hardly glance at the ones we got right.

If we were always scared to break our ankles, we would never take a step.

Why do we hold on to our mistakes? So we do not make them again. "So I know what to study for the next test." "So I know what I need to improve upon.

If we were always scared that our water was poisoned, we'd never drink.

Is it bad? I don't think so. It's the only way we can evolve, not just over millenniums, but over decades, years, seconds. Failures are good. Failures are a sign of progress. It's better to get an answer marked wrong than to go about life thinking the wrong things.

The only thing that holds us back is fear. "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."

When you fail, you improve. If you fear to fail, you only hold yourself back. Fear is nameless, unreasoning, and unjustified.

"It's A Matter of Not Knowing It's Impossible"

I was reading something today, and one character said that the reason the other had so much good fortune was because they subconsciously willed it that way. Like they didn't even understand the concept of bad luck, so they never had any. And that's an interesting take on life.

I think the reason that we, as humans, are willing to be "content" with life is because we impose limits on ourselves. We get jobs doing things we hate to do so that we'll make money that we make ourselves find necessary. But we do these jobs because "It's impossible to make money being a(n) _____." So even though I wanted to be a Flower Gardener when I was 7, by the time I was 8, I had been convinced that I would hate it because it was hard labor and made no money. And now the idea of planting flowers for a living sounds atrocious.

We impose these limits on ourselves and upon others. The universe doesn't make these rules.

In the anime Akira, they say that the main reason Akira always wins at Mahjong is because he has unwavering faith in himself. He hardly knows how to play the game, but once he goes for something, he doesn't let himself change his mind. And it's a TV show, but it makes sense.

If you put all of your faith into something that you have partial control over, then things can turn out for the better because you made it that way.

Nobody is against you but yourself.

The only person pulling you down is yourself. And the people you let pull you down.

(Some of my posts may seem like they venture off from the main point, but that's just my train of thought. Everything's related, just see if you can see the links.)

Thanking the Garbagemen

So you may have noticed that I changed the layout. I felt like I needed a change.

And I was kind of sick of the way that the entire layout was screwed up when you'd click on a specific post. I did like how the background was large and the actual text part was small, but I think I'm one of the few that appreciate things like that.

I actually have something to say, but because I'm sure it won't come up in conversation, and I have some free time, I'm going to post about it now.

Not everyone can be spectacular.

And that may sound pretty mean. That's because it is.

Well, it's not mean. It's realistic, but many people associate the two with being the same. Or even similar. I don't.

But anyway, not everyone can be awesome. Well, I guess they could. But everyone would have to be VERY awesome.

But because not everyone can reach that level of henzhuo (which I don't think is meant to be used that way), some people have to be average.

Someone has to be a garbageman. Without garbagemen, we'd have to find some way of dealing with our own trash. And most people, especially in major cities, have little idea of their trash system aside from "It goes out on Thursdays." So even if we look down on garbagemen for "not going to college" or "having low standards" or "not being very smart" or whatever goes through your head, we should be thankful that we don't have to take care of our own trash, and that they're willing to have a career where they do it for us.

Not everyone can be super smart. Some people are just not going to understand certain things. And they don't have to. They can do what they please with their lives. As long as they know that they are without, and they consent to just going without, then it's fine.

I guess I kind of realized that my Mom's a teacher. And she teaches Organic Chemistry, and if you've taken it, you know that's not an easy class. But someone has to teach General Chem. And if they didn't, no one would ever make it *too* Organic Chemistry. And then my Mom wouldn't have a job.

So I decided that tomorrow I'm going to try to think about all the little things that happen that I don't have to worry about. Things that I, at least, feel need to be done. And maybe my day will be a bit better than the last.

"Maybe I'll Just Type And See What Garbled Mess Comes Out"

I actually made a post from my phone... like a month or two ago. I guess it didn't show up question mark? Well, I'll fix that today, I reckon. Or not.

Well, I came here with the intent of making a post. Not because I had something to say but that I oughta post some time.

I really do have stuff worth saying, I think. I just don't remember what it was. Maybe I'll just type and see what garbled mess comes out.

TIME: I have none of it. Up at 5:30, out at 6:10, home at 9, in bed at 10 most weekdays. I hardly have time for the things I have to do, let alone the things I want to do. Unfun-making.

But I willingly chose this path, so I try not to complain about it too much. It's kinda just one of those things that you know you have to do, so you resign yourself to it, but you don't want to do it so you halfheartedly complain about it.

I found some quotes that inspire me, but I can't remember what/where they are so I'll make a new post about that later. They're mainly from Emily Dickinson and Edgar Allan Poe. Weird people to find inspiring, I know, but that's me for ya.

I read /somewhere/ that the people who make good blogs are not those who have uber interesting things to say. Just that they say them. I guess that makes sense. My favorite people on YouTube are people who make videos regularly. My new/er/ closest friends are those who I talk to more. I should remember the actual quote, but I remember reading in multiple contexts that repeated exposure over time is better than large, sudden amounts.

I'm just a vessel for what I've read sometimes. I think.

I wish I had made a post for the Chinese New Year, because I went to Chinatown (Chicago), and it was awesome. Not because of the stuff I bought, or the food I ate, just the energy among the people there. Many of which were Asian, but I saw plenty of Americans there. Things like that make me happy.

On the Japanese front, I'm actually starting back up today. With my listening (I've a podcast playing in the background.) I'm aiming for 30-awake hours per week, and sleeping to it every night. 15 kanji a day should let me be finished by the end of July. 5 sentences is my GOAL for every day, but I'm not strict about that. It's more about having plenty of sentences to work on in August rather than learning much from them now. Sentences will be done AFTER kanji. So if I'm wiped out after adding new and reviewing old, then that'll be it for the day. No more stressing for me. (Hopefully.)

But I've gotta play a game of catch up. I am way behind and it'll be tough these next two weeks. But I'm not going to rush into it. I'll take it one step at a time and the gap will close on its own. I will admit that I am scared about that number: 156+ due for review. BUT I will not let it hold me down.

Wow, that turned out better than I thought. Way to go me.

Decisions, Decisions, and Elephants

I've gone to three different schools from Kindergarten to Eighth grade. I can probably name all of my classmates (as in I sat *in class* with them) since them, and for about half, I know their last names as well. I remember a lot of things that are inconsequential, but forget the important things.

I remember that Karlita used to sniff my chocolate pudding, then we learned that she was so allergic to chocolate that even that would break her out and stopped.

I remember that as the bus turned the final corner to go down my block, Karlita and I would stand up and 'surf'. Arms out, knees bent, and see who falls first, if either of us do.

I remember that Alex Camacho was right in front of me in line and Paul was right behind me, but Paul transfered out after Kindergarten and I used to wonder why he just disappeared because I liked him and Paul was cool.

I remember that once Sandrine laughed so hard she peed her pants a little in first grade.

I remember that Karlita would come over my house on half days, since her Mom would still be at work. We'd watch Dragon Tales in my great-grandmother's bedroom and eat soup that she made us. I remember trying the mushroom flavor and it being so hot that we put ice cubes in it to make it cool faster. Then made a mess of our food because it tasted bad.

I remember the day I threw up during Ms. Meister's math class. I remeber that she said 'Not on me.' and I was devastated because I was going to be sick, and Ms. Meister didn't believe me, even though it was legitamate because she was wearing a white shirt, and never mind because she was taking me right across the hall to the nurse and not three minutes later I was sick into the garbage can. I remember waiting in the nurse's office because my mom was over an hour away, and I remember laying in my great-grandmother's bed room that evening and rolling over to vomit into a red bucket with a crack in it, getting up to go to the bathroom after, and going back to sleep.

I remember Karlita telling me people with perfect attendance from Kindergarten until Eighth Grade would win a trip to Florida and we decided that we'd be sure to have at least one perfect attendance between the two of us (if I wasn't there, she would be) and we'd share the trip and take her mum.

I remember that Jacob's favorite color was purple and he liked butterflies and I think it was Sandrine that found that funny, but I didn't find it funny at all because purple butterflies were awesome anyway.

I remember walking into the 2nd grade classroom with an icepack on my left eye because I'd fractured it the night before but I couldn't back out on my deal with Karlita because she wouldn't have backed out either.

I remember sliding down the halls during the sock hop.

I remember thinking the toilet paper reminded me of mini paper towels.

I remember doing my homework at Karlita's house and being almost done, and Karlita getting up to get her fifth snack and wondering why she kept doing it if she knew her mum would get angry.

I remember sitting in Karlita's living room as she cried and her mom brushed her hair. I think I was supposed to be pretending to read my book but I really just wanted to make her feel better and promised myself that I'd help her with her homework next time.

I remember the homework helper plan not working.

I remember that Karlita would eat the nasty bits of her Lucky Charms because she gave most of the marshmellows to me.

And I remember these things and they mean a lot to me and I wonder if they remember these things too, or if they don't even remember who I am. I wonder if I found someone from K-2nd was going to my school if we'd be considered 'old friends' or 'total strangers'.

I found them on Facebook. But I'm not sure if it's okay to assume they remember like I do. If I'd be 'some person I went to kindergarten with' or... I don't even know because that is what I am, isn't it?

So I've got to make a decision. Should I go for it? Remind them? Ignore it and move on?

Photostreaming.

I've been away for a while, and I'll probably make a giant blog post about that later, but for now just a mini update.

I've created myself a Flickr, which is just a photo-sharing/streaming website. I've only three images on there right now, but as I have more to share there will be more up there. I haven't had time to copy my watermark into Photoshop, so none of them have one yet.

You can view my photostream here.

Enjoy.

Seafood and Bentos

I have a blog post to make about one of my like... two memories from Kindergarten. But this is not that post. I have more urgent things to say.

I used to be kinda... set back when people didn't get my jokes. Then I realized people are different and have different tastes and I just stopped caring.

So today I went to Red Lobster with my mum. I'd bought her a gift card there for Mother's Day *cough*letsnottalkaboutwhatigotpeopleformothersdayrightnow*cough*. It was a gift for the both of us, in a way. Red Lobster is one of her favorite restaurants, and I haven't really tried seafood, so it was something the both of us could benefit from.

So I tried their Grand Buffet or whatever, it came with Shrimp Scampi, Fried Shrimp, Lobster, and Crab.

And it was mildly good. I've always had a problem with eating lobster from Red Lobster... I can't get over the fact that I have probably looked what I'm eating right in the face. Once I was waiting for a table and they took one of the lobsters out. T_T That was what is called a Moment. Capital letters and italics and everything.

Before today (yesterday, now, I guess) I had hated shrimp. I still don't like it too much, the meat is like... hard, but I'd eat it. I preferred the scampi, but I couldn't help thing "I could really go for some chicken scampi." And I mean(t) it. The sauce they came in and baked chicken would probably taste very good. I may try to make it sometime.

Now the lobster itself was okay, but the whole face eat thing is just... no. I don't think I'll ever really be a lobster eater.

The crab was yumnomwonderliciousyumdeliciawesome. I want to make a bento (japanese lunchobox. Click here for an explanation.) with crab meat someday.

Speaking of bentos, I plan on buying a bento box either tomorrow or online in the next few days, because I plan on taking my lunch three times a week in the fall. I don't have Celiac, but wheat and I are still not on speaking terms and dairy's giving me the cold shoulder. So I'll take lunch on the days the menu looks particularly unforgiving.

A bento box would be a fun way to try Japanese cuisine, and it would possibly solve my dietary issues. And if all else fails, I could just take onigiri (rice balls). That may sound like an unfilling lunch, but I could fill it with salmon (or crab meat!), or chicken, or umeboshi, or just about anything, really. My mum thought I should be a bit more hesitant about taking my lunch, but I really just don't care. For three years I hated the school lunches, and just ate at home after school, and people thought I suffered from aneroxia nervosa. Another problem solved by the amazing bento box.

This also means that I'll need to learn how to use chopsticks, which I kind of learned and unlearned (I was using skewers... don't judge me.) a while ago. It's really not that difficult.

If I plan on living in Japan, I'll need to eat the food, won't I? Speaking the language isn't the only thing to do.